It’s been a long day working for the postal service.  You itch the polyester uniform that’s sticking to your sweaty thighs and look at your watch.  Another half hour of delivering mail and you’ll be done for the day.  You take a deep breath and think of that ice cold Moscow Mule you’ll be drinking soon as you cross the street to your final rows of mailboxes.  In your wistful state of mind, though, you forgot to look both ways before you crossed the street and a 2005 Nissan Xterra plows into your fragile viscera going 45 mph, turning you into lawn fertilizer in an instant.

In a flash, you’re standing in a line wearing a bright orange speedo.  It feels like it’s 400 degrees.  “Am I dreaming?” you say out loud.

“Nah, you’re in hell,” says a 15 foot demon standing to the side of the line.  “Welcome, by the way.”

“Wait a second!  I’m a good person and I consistently went to a Methodist chu—“

“You worked for the postal service,” interrupted the demon.  “No way in hell you’re going up in the clouds.  You know how much it costs now to get a record shipped down here from the UK?  Now shut up and wait for your surf board.”

“SURF BOARD?!” you exclaim.

“Yeah, you were randomly picked to take part in our annual Lake of Fire surf competition.  Winner gets a $100 gift certificate to The Sizzler.  Listen, Hell isn’t as bad as you think.  We’ve got all the best music, and most of the demons are pretty cool.  Just don’t get on their bad sides and you’ll be fine.  HEY CHAD!  Fire up the New Candys’ new one.”

A surf board flies at your face and you catch it, trembling in fear.  The waves are high today.

“Watch out for the barnacles,” says the demon, as he pushes you onto the beach.  “Good luck, sinner.”

The Details

Double a-side 10" split single with Kill Your Boyfriend (, out on Shyrec and Xnot You Xme.
Limited edition 300 copies.
"Dark Love" is the first single from the upcoming album "New Candys As Medicine". "Surf 2" is exclusive to this release.

Includes unlimited streaming of Dark Love / Surf 2 via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
ships out within 7 days
edition of 300

Thanks to Bloomiel Danfield for the tip!

Price $13.76

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